I knew when I met him an adventure was beginning. I'm realizing it's now been 7 years since I fell in love with this boy. His name was Jake. His eyes chestnut brown, his smile perfect. I felt nervous unlike I ever had around a boy. We talked until we had no voice. He sang me songs sometimes. We held hands, he kissed me one night and a rush unlike any other fell over my heart.
Memories were built quickly. I'll never forget the melody of songs we listened to on repeat as we drove through the pine trees and hills, the rip of my dress on a branch, shaky hands every time one of us would reach for another's, the deep beat of his heart when we laid on a mountain top after hiking up in the summer. These pieces have become part of us, finding a way to remain forever.
He built up courage after a few months to say "I love you, Bliss." A pained silence. A silence of a ballerina when she breaks her foot on a quiet stage. The way he stared at me that night I didn't say I love you back will haunt me internally. I was young and afraid of loving anyone again. I tried my best to explain, rearranging my words, but I was damaged and he was infatuated, I didn't see it. He forgave me and said he understood. I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him.
There was some reverie in love. To fall in love with the idea of what they could be or who you want them to be. A balanced mold that is expected to be met. That apparition bled into our ending. He took every risk to love me, every chance to remind me how much he cared but a little over a year ago our plot took a turn when in our minds we started to believe that time was running out for us. The road we planned ahead vanished. I moved away. I never thought giving up would be an option, but it somehow became one in moments.
I'm not the same girl I once was, a lot had to change. I've lived and died. Like nature, love is as lovely as it is gruesome. I lost part of myself when I lost Jake. There are things I miss that I shouldn't. Memories roll down my cheeks often. The biggest thing I've learned about my life is simply I don't have all the answers. God does.
I received a letter from Jake. It was 3 pages full, explaining his heart. A part of the ending read, "I know I don't deserve you, and I can understand if you never want to talk to me again. At least know I never stopped loving you. I can't fathom a life without you in it. No matter if I've lost you forever, I will love and dream of spending the rest of my life with you. There will never be another girl that could match you. God blessed me with you, and even if 5 years was all I get to have with you, it would be more life, love, fun, and joy that anyone could ever give me. You are deeply woven into every fiber of my life. Even if I never get to speak to you again, I love you. I love you so much it hurts, but I would gladly take the worst of our times over the best anyone else can offer. Love, Jake"
I spent nights wide awake trying to decide where to start, say, and how to feel about the letter. I had already forgave him and knew our story was broken because of both of our failures to explain how we felt. Things changed when life happened. Now it was time to talk... about everything.
Coming to the final and very obvious conclusion that we simply couldn't live without each other, we both decided to start over again. I stared at him moonly for moments on end. We started over, as adults, and took our friendship slow just like in the beginning. We've done nothing but fall in love all over again, better than the beginning, somehow. We both agreed that when couples love God first they love each other better.
He looks at me as if I am the brightest thing he has ever seen. He calls me beautiful like it's my real name. I'm reminded that young love can be turned into forever love; crooked love can be made straight.
It took 7 years to grow with each other and learn to love selflessly. Failures and faults can make you closer. Love is patient and kind. He proposed to me on March 7th, 2014. Tomorrow we will be wed.
Jake, Jesus said, you don’t understand what I’m doing now but someday you will. It reminds me of the mysterious love story God wrote us 7 years ago. Today we become one, and I vow many things. I vow to start each day with a thankful heart. To speak truth in your life daily.
Bliss, I vow to fall deeply in love with you. To wake up every morning to a dream come true.
I’ll push you to write, draw, build, and sing. I vow to encourage you endlessly and to be the best wife I can be. I vow to have a marriage more beautiful than our wedding, and to grow in love, keeping God in the center.
To travel the world with you, to always call you beautiful, to weather any hardship we go through. I vow to guard and honor you, earn your love daily while being the best I can be every day.
You are my dream - and with you, I am home.